SHare YOur STory 12

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child

It was my first week at boarding school. The second or third day maybe- I can't remember. We were all sitting in class and it was breaktime- something like 11 o'clock. The teachers had all gone off to the staff room and the coast was clear- so the senior boys poured into our class- flexing their new found seniority, sending us on errands, asking us all kinds of questions- who were we, where did we come from, did we have sisters. A favourite question was "what's my name?" We had been told that we were expected to learn the names of all the senior boys within the first few weeks. How we were supposed to do this no one made clear. I was sitting at my desk, my head on the desktop trying not to attract any attention. It was my first time away from home and I wasn't coping very well. I'd spent most of the previous night crying- and then cried myself to sleep.

As I lay down , my head on the desk, this boy walked up to me, he was wearing thick-framed glasses and had a really big nose. He pulled me by the ear- "What's my name? " he bellowed. I stammered that I did not know his name. Follow me he barked and I did, sheepishly. After a few days of having orders barked at us, we had learned to obey without question. I followed him as he walked away to an isolated part of the school compound. Then he led me behind a secluded enclosure "take off your shorts and suck your penis" he said. That's your punishment for not knowing my name. I took off my shorts and tried to contort my self into the position where I could suck my own dick. Of course I failed. I was only ten and did not know any better. He watched me for a while and then he said, "The alternative is to suck mine" I begged him, I cried, I asked him to forgive me for not knowing his name. He insisted that by the school rules, I had to be punished. By this time he had asked me to kneel down and he thrust his penis into my mouth. I gagged. He kept thrusting. I kept crying. After a while he stopped and then asked me if anything had come out. I did not answer. He asked me to run back to my class, showed me a small knife and promised to kill me if I told anyone what had happened. I believed him and ran back to class where I collapsed into a flood of tears. My mouth tasted funny. I went to the tap and gargled several times, then went back to my desk. One of my new classmates noticed me crying and asked if I was fine. I lied that I had a headache. He offered me a Trebor peppermint- I can still see the green and black paper of the roll. I sucked hard at the mint, trying to get rid of the taste. I did not succeed. I told no one.

A few years later, this same boy came up to me and said do you remember when you were in Class One and a senior boy took you to the back of the dormitories? What if he asked you to go there again. I said loudly "I would report him to the Housemaster" He melted away.

I've never told anyone this story and have always regarded myself as well adjusted, but who knows what effect it might have had?

If I had been told clearly what was appropriate or not appropriate, perhaps I would not have fallen prey.

For days, weeks and months afterwards I wondered why he'd picked me. Had he somehow sensed my hidden secret- that I was attracted to boys? Had I somehow brought this upon myself?

We really must start talking about these issues and taking action.

Thanks for providing the platform and for your personal bravery

My THoughts: we must indeed. Fagging ( the practice that stems from the British School system , this has no reference to homosexuals) in schools is wrong. Sexual Abuse is a crime. This culture of silence must be broken. I am sad to say I have heard stories like this about guys that attended all boys schools and I never really took it seriously. I always thought there were rumors. I know everyone must have heard the "senior throwing soap on the bathroom floor " joke /story. He is brave indeed because its so much harder for men to open up.