SHare YOur STory 9

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.

Not like I love to relieve it but I'll try.

My first thoughts of abuse were as a kid of barely 5. Some cousins of mine had probably just watched a porn flick and were trying to re-act the scenes and being the youngest at home, I was easy target.

First, I was clueless as to what was happening. They just asked the girls to take off their clothes and lie on each other making some wriggling motions. Very icky and disgusting but we couldn't resist it as they were much older.

Fast forward to some years down the line when you are in a place where you are not meant to be and .....you are attacked by unknown men of the night.
I am pulled away to a desolate place. The man lies me on my back tearing away at my panties while I'm all tears. Crying, begging, pleading to no avail. Blackmailing, calling on God, asking him to remember he has sisters. And he indeed proved that all that meant nothing to a man with a gun. He forced himself into me and had the guts to mutter in my ears with his not fresh breath to move with him so he can be done quickly before people look for him. I curse, rant, cry out but yes...he had his way and left me there. In a damaged heap.

A few years ahead, a distant uncle who we go to spend weekends with, starts by touching my breasts mistakenly a couple of times while I'm on the internet in his study. Then, I run off. At night while trying to sleep, I wake up to him putting his fingers inside me. I want to scream but my sister is right there and I'm scared of what she'll think. So I hit him off. A year later, I am unlucky to spend the night at his alone on a journey. And the idiot actually does he sexual moves again, this time actually coming on me. Then he asks me to pray with him as he is a pastor in his church - the Irony.

The final straw, a popular figure in the society I had just become friends with takes me out and on our way home to drop me off, he diverts to his place to "pick something up" and then pushes me into the room and forces his huge frame on me and does his thing. Once again a Victim.But of course the whole concept of date rape is not understood in Nigeria. It'll be a case of "Why did you go out with him?".

After the last experience and several issues of depression and low self esteem and anger at myself for not reacting properly in every situation, I have resolved that I would be used as an object of lust for anyone ever even if I have to fight with my last breath.

My Thoughts/Lessons Learned : I don’t even know if there’s a lesson here. In the Nigerian society boys who will become men are brought up with a sense of entitlement. I am not man bashing buts its simply a fact. It seems like if you havent suffered from attempted date rape or date rape as a nigerian woman you are in the minority. It is so rampant and at the end of the day it’s the woman that’s blamed.