SHare YOur STory 10

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.

Hi everyone,

My name is share story. I am female and I was a victim of child abuse. This is the first time I’m sharing my story.

When I was seven, we had a driver. I don't remember his face or anything. Only that he used to call me his wife. I guess everyone thought it was a joke. Everyone but him. One night, I went to the laundry, which was near the garage. He was there. He put his hand up my long nightgown. I had no idea what he was doing. He asked me if I liked it. I shook my head. Then he stopped. I was 7 years old. He shouldn't have done that. I remember lying on the couch afterwards, feeling very dirty. He never touched me again. I didn't tell.

When I was 8, we had this maid. She used to have me touch her breasts. She was probably in her late twenties or thirties. I can't remember. She didn't touch me though, so I guess I have something to be grateful for after all.

When I was 11, my uncle came to live with us. He was my mother's brother. We all loved him. He'd come to the house and play with us and buy us stuff. He was a good uncle. Until he started touching me. In my father's house. For years. He would lie next to me or sit next to me and cover us up. Then his hand would be up my top. I was a kid. He was family. That was wrong in so many ways. One time, he tried to put his hands down my pants. I stopped it all then. I told him i'd tell if he touched me again. I remember one night after that, I woke up in bed, and he was in my room, he had undone my bra, and he was touching me. I calmly walked him out of my room. I think he touched my sister too. We never talked about it. I never told.

I'm over it all. True, none of these people actually had sex with me, but do not underestimate the power of abuse, no matter the extent. You have no idea how dirty it can make you feel. How it can numb you. It's not easy being a kid with a secret. God has helped heal my heart, and I can honestly say I’ve gone on with my life. But I don't believe that talking about it just might be the way to enlighten people so they keep their eyes open and see what's happening around them. I just hope my telling this helps someone.

Let's not think this is a girl's issue. Most of my friends are guys, and I am quite open with them. I've asked at least 25 guys, all Nigerian, about their first sexual encounters, and there were two recurring characters in all these cases: a house maid and an aunt. I've talked to a guy who was forced to have sex with a 30 year old aunt at the age of 6. I gagged at that thought. Then a 5 year old who was made to polish the maid's breasts. Then the one who was taught to give oral sex. Then the one who was told to sleep with a 7 year old girl. Then the one that.................... You know what; I could go on and on.

I worked in a hospital, and I can't tell you how many times a little girl was brought in, raped by some supposedly human being. There was a 5 year old raped by a 17 year old, her mum was screaming at her for going to his house. He was the neighbor. And no, he wasn't arrested. There was the 7 year old who was rushed in, in shock. Someone noticed she wouldn't keep her legs closed. She was examined and it was determined it was rape. My theory, I think it was her father. He came with her though. She wouldn't talk. There was the one kid whose mum caught the teenage cousin feeding her his dick. Countless cases of STD's in kids. It hurts me just to type this.

I grew up in Nigeria, a land where all things sexual are hush, hush. I have no problem with keeping sexual relations between two consenting adults secret. But I believe there is a problem when society looks down on and sometimes even blames the victims of abuse. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. That's why I'm telling this story now. I think it's important that people know what goes on in their homes, who their kids hang with, where they go to. Parents need to talk to their kids about sex and abuse, so they know when something is wrong, and can fight against it.

My Thoughts/Lessons Learned : She has already said everything that needs to be said. Kudos to her.