SHare YOur STory -Survivors edition

Today's share your story is different. It was left on the comments section of one of my posts by a fellow blogger. Its not just the story of how she was abused but how she moved past it. I found her words very encouraging and I believe stories like these will encourage women or men who still struggle today withl problems. Naija Jinx suggested that I start a series on how women have moved past abuse. She said some thing like "telling your story is very different from telling us how. I agree.
I cant commit to another series but I would like to post features on how women or men have survived their abuse as I recieve them. So if you want to touch another person's life , someone who may still be struggling with the effects of abuse and offer then some hope that they to may move on from the past -pls dont hesitate to send them to me.


Hmmm i was sexually abused from a young age myself and it made me have a very nonchalant attitude towards sex i started have sex early and was pressurised into having sex a lot by men much older than me.. way older than me.. I just felt fuck it! what do they want? aint it sex .. and i just went ahead and did it...

Then i fell in love my real 1st partner for 5yrs. When we first started having sex i just did it to please him or i just felt let me fuck him and he'll leave me alone..... on occasions when having sex/ making love i would get visions of my abusers and those men who took advantage of me.. these visions would stay in my mind and torment until he came or i came it was like i even used that to zone out and get it over and done with.. i just felt dirty every time we ever had sex i used to feel soooo dirty so terrible so unworthy of love of anything i just felt like shit!!!...

I went for therapy but to me it did not work.... i evaluate my life and things alot so one of these days when i was doing just that... i came to the conclusion that i'm not going to let the abusers win.... if i am having sex or making love i want it to be free from there bondage the hold they had over my mind.. i wanted to be able to make love with my man guilt free and not feel dirty...


I wanted to reclaimed sex for myself... I wanted to enjoy sex and not feel nasty or like a slapper or a slag i wanted my man to make love to me and for me to actually enjoy it and feel worthy not like i am doing him a favour or being used.. because thats how i felt!....

But it never worked i still felt like i was doing it "out of doing sake" to me I based the relationship around sex.. we experimented heavily!! what did we not do. if i told my friends about our sex life they would even be jealous.. but for me i felt dirty!!! he felt close to me because he felt he could be his self with me.. i loved him but i just felt like a fraud like someone was gonna rumble me and be like errrrr why are you with her!!... i pushed my man away in every aspect i just felt this man cannot love me .. how he can he love a ho!! some one who has been abused from a child.. someone who started having sex when people were still playing with dolls...I pushed him away totally!

We eventually broke up and I was single for 2 1/2 years and it's around then i started to find my self.. started to understand what self love was and try and make a plan for those abusers not to WIN!!!
Had sexual relationships because i wanted too and not because i felt obligated too..

Do you guys really understand what it means to be abused ... If not for the that fact i have healed over my past if i was to tell you what my abusers did!! grown men to a child!! you would want to vomit!!!Man abuse really fucks you up people just dont understand.. I went through hell growing up and i mean real hell i never knew if i was coming or going i wass sooo tempremental and people could not stand being around me and vice versa it was like i had a dark cloud around me!!! I only Ever Felt Happy When I was in Nigeria on Hols and that was in my mid-late teens.... Man I had serious self esteem issues yada yada yada....

I was trying to became the person i wanted to be in those years and when i met fiance.. i still had some issues but i was on my way to healing.com

I love Mr Man because he is the first man in my life who has never treated me like a sex object always had respect for my body.. i felt so at ease with him i even told him about my past.. the abuse and the promiscuity and he understood he did not judge me or make me feel unworthy... it was like starting a fresh a whole new existence...

It took us a long time to get to that sexual stage.. because part of my self healing was not just to do it for doing sake.. cos that can lead to more pain and heartache. I had to be sure i wanted this.. him!and most of all i never wanted to feel like i was just doing for doing sake ever again!!!.. When we finally got to the bedroom stage At night he would just hold me in his arms tell me how much he loved me... kiss mee caress me.. make me feel wanted, worthy ... make love to me for me not for his pleasure.....

I never felt cheap with Mr Man never felt i did not deserve this love..like how i felt before i used to feel i was an impostor and i would get rumbled any minute...does that make sense??

Damn Mr Man i love you!...I have had my fair share of sexual experiences .. even with women, at one point in my life i was BIsexual ..Heavily Ma sef!!...(thats another story)
But he was the first man i ever felt myself with!!He actualy Makes me feel like a Woman The real Woman I am.. I have never felt any judgemental glares from him no insecure feelings of sex i have felt freee... and bwoy!! am i having the best sex/love making of my life!!!!

I have finally exhaled people and it feels fucking good!!! i no longer am tormented by my abusers in my sleep or whilst lying in the bed with my man... I aint pushing no one away from me no more!!.. I now know I deserved to be loved and I am loveable!! I no longer feel like a slut or a whore or just doing for doing sake!!...

It has taken time ooo!! I am a few years from 30 now! But I can CONFIDENTLY SAY I HAVE BEEN LIBERATED AND I AM LOVED AND MOST OF ALL AND IMPORTANT I FUCKING LOVE MA SELF!!!...

I CAN AND I HAVE FINALLY EXHALED!!!...


I love this girl!! continue to exhale jare!!!!!!