This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.
I came across your blog and what struck me was that there were no men speaking of their experience, so i thought to tell you my story. i was born beautiful, right from when i was a child, women have always thrown themselves at me, I remember being french kissed by one of my much older cousins fiancees when i was less than five years old, it wasn't long before she would perform oral sex on me, and proceed to having full sex with tears in her eyes professing a deep love for me. They eventually didnt get married, and his next girlfriend and his younger sister did the same to me. What is it that made these grown women do this? They had jobs and boyfriends and yet, they just had to sleep with a child.
I came across your blog and what struck me was that there were no men speaking of their experience, so i thought to tell you my story. i was born beautiful, right from when i was a child, women have always thrown themselves at me, I remember being french kissed by one of my much older cousins fiancees when i was less than five years old, it wasn't long before she would perform oral sex on me, and proceed to having full sex with tears in her eyes professing a deep love for me. They eventually didnt get married, and his next girlfriend and his younger sister did the same to me. What is it that made these grown women do this? They had jobs and boyfriends and yet, they just had to sleep with a child.
In that same period, three of our house girls had sex with me, looking back i cannot understand why this was a repeated theme in my life. Even till date i have women old enough to be my mother acting like excited schoolgirls in my presence. I wish i had a normal childhood, i wish i had the capacity to love a woman, but these experiences left me cold. I have slept with hundreds of women, I find it impossible to settle down, i cannot bring myself to care for them, my heart is frozen, there is nothing left of me.....
My thoughts/Lessons learned: Guys are also sexually abused too. This doesnt happen to women only . As a whole we react differently, even nonchalantly when guys are abused, its still a horrible crime which is unacceptable. His words were truly haunting, I hope you can get the capacity to love again.
28 comments:
**Shaking my head at the post above** Augustine did you even read what happened?
These women took advantage of a child, unbelieveable!
How I wish individuals like this would be outed for their shameful deeds.
I am sad these experiences have in some cases left the child robbed of something. What to do? I don't know. I do know that everyone deserve to experience love. I hope you get past this someday.
Confusednaijagirl, please, I take God beg you before I go mental, please delete "augustine pius thliza" 's post. I am really concerned that it is the fisrt comment given to this guy's post. The person is an illitrate and is obviously living in another world where "spirithusbands" reside.
Yes, boys are also victims of sexual abuse and it is a shame that women, some even mothers, themselves can inflict this horrible crime on kids. When it comes to boys, society is so fucked up, one forgets that they are also children. I wish men will stand up and also talk about these issues not only with their daughters but with their sons as well.
I am so sorry for the loss of your childhood,if possible, try and get help so that your healing can begin. I hope life treats you well and the scars of your childhood become less painful with time.
@ augustine I deleted that nonsense comment that you put. pls refain from leaving comments that dont have anything to do with the post
@ the guy who sent me the story.
I really hope and pray that somehow you will regain what you have lost. I will pray for you. I really hope you can move on and not let a bunch of horny and evil women change the rest of your life.
@ waffarian and litle girl lost
thanks girls.
This really is despicable and I feel so sorry for him about what has happened in his life. But I really hope that he can at some point learn to move past it and learn to love again. I know it is possible because
I know someone who was in that same situation. Seriously...I couldn't believe it when he told me. His house girl had sex with him too when he was just a young child and it was a repeated incident.
He's okay now, he just doesn't let his past become what defines him as a person today. So I really hope that you can overcome this because it isn't good for people to dwell on negative things.
But I really admire you for telling your story. Somehow when it comes to sexual abuse we oftentimes forget who women can abuse men as well. So thanks.
I do not understand how anyone can do such things to a child. Every Friday that i've read, I'm truly disgusted and astonished and most of all afraid. Afraid for any children I may have, and the children already in my life, I mean how can you even protect them save from locking them in with you 24/7?
To the writer, I pray that you find that woman who you will be able to love wholly
Oh my God...I'm sorry this happened to you. This is obviously quite common in Nigeria as 2 of my exboyfriends told me they were disvirgined around the age of 3 yrs by female househelps. They grew up to be promiscuos men. This is a big shame. I hope you find peace and overcome this by God's grace.
you know how people say that women who get abused were asking for it, it is just as damaging to say that men can't get molested by women. I keep saying that some1 is going to have to find me a lawyer, but soon it would no longer be a joke.
i've also met men who started having sex under the age of men. it truly is a crime...RAPE!
The only word I can say to the author is to release the people who have hurt him, so that he can experience what it to love a woman. It is so sad how people could do this to children - and not have anythought of what it would do them if this happened to their children.
I know its easy to say the word forgive, but I pray the Lord will bring you to a point where you are completely healed and enjoy what it means to experience the love a woman and give back to her too.
I pray that you will know the peace of God and pass through this. Have a blessed week.
Hmmm....
I am short of words to say,
Molestion of a male child may seem mild,but it is just as horrible as a molesting a gild child.
How can we protect our children?
What caught my attention was the author's end note,
I wish i had a normal childhood, i wish i had the capacity to love a woman, but these experiences left me cold. I have slept with hundreds of women, I find it impossible to settle down, i cannot bring myself to care for them, my heart is frozen, there is nothing left of me.....
You must first learn to love yourself,not anybody else but yourself! Only when you do that, can you have the capacity to love someone else.
You cannot change your past but let it be the past,don't let it define who are now ,you need alot of good counselling&therapy with the grace of God to overcome this.
It is a long road and it is definitely not easy but trust me,once you are detemined you will be able to overcome this whole thing and become a better person.
Don't torture yourself with the why questions? Focus on the how?
Keep your head up man,you can do it.
@confused,well done girl!
@a few doubting thomas who think these only happen in films or just to white people,I pray it doesn't happen to you or someone you love.
Let us all be very vigilant.
Nawa o. I have always thought men are sexually abused too, but I ignorantly thought they did not feel the same way.
To the guy who wrote this:
I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like to not be able to love [a woman]. I'm so sorry, and I believe God will heal your wounds and give you the capability to love again - Amen.
I do not know what is/has become of us Human beings. Children are the nearest thing we have to Angels. Yet time and time again these heinous crimes are commited against children.
I think these criminals should be outed in the media or confronted.
To the author of this story, as mentioned above, do not let the acts committed against You define
You. It was not your fault. These were depraved people and you were a Child. As adults they had a duty to protect you not abuse You.
To Confused - thanks for giving victims a voice and the rest of us an insight into the darker side of humanity.
Blessings All
sorry- that should have read:
i've also met many men who started having sex under the age of TEN. it truly is a crime...RAPE!
The only difference btw the male and the female which I think is that when a male gets molested in this way and he tells his peers,we will definately cheer him on and boost his ego.I cant say I did not go thru this as well but we count it as gaining experience early.
Like I always emphasis on different issues,everybody is not the same and we cant react the same way with the same situation.
@Writer ..just like a couple of ppl alrdy advise,try and love urself and u will be fine
To the Author
As a woman I feel so ashamed. There is something about us that is about caring, nurturing and protecting and clearly this has not been so in your case.
Please be kind to yourself and start Loving You for who you are. A Good Person. Counselling may help.
You mention these women are now married (including) your cousin (shame, shame on her), and probably not even haunted by their perverse acts. Is there any chance of you confronting them? If you can not, what about writing to them and pointing out that as mothers now, how would they like it if someone molested thier children the way they molested you?
You are in my prayers
To confused - Merci for everything
One of my best friends who's a guy told me their house help used to have sex with him when he was younger than 10. I found it very difficult to believe him. I don't think he thinks he was abused cos he was kind of nonchalant about it. I'm going to talk to him again and see how he really feels about it.
Wow!! I'm speechless and amazed. its quite sad really...speechless
It's good that this person spoke out because people always assume that sexual abuse only happens to women and that's very untrue.
I've heard of a couple of Nigerian guys who have had similar experiences too.
I really pray this person is able to deal with what happened to him so it doesn't continue to affect who he is now.
This is pretty sad. We seem to forget that girls arent the only ones being abused.
I pray he finds peace within himself.
See how these bastards just want to ba aiye eni eleni je.
Despicable!
very touching...but yet so real. Hard to believe...but I know it happened.
Author, forgive yourself, forgive others, lean on God.. rebuild your life...theres hope in God, theres hope in the future.. hope u can open ur arms and embrace the goodness of God..
As always.. confused: three claps for ur wonderful work here..
I read 'Finding Fish' by Antwone Fisher - a true story. He was molested as well, at a really really young age...
Because men are seen as the physically stronger sex, we tend to forget that they too can be victims of molestation...
Dear Confused, Thank you for letting people use this to tell their painful pasts.I was never abused as a child, but i was verbally abused by my ex boyfriend...i took off when i had had enough. not everyone has the strength.
i have put Ozaveshe's Link by the way.
Good point - it IS just as bad for males to be molested, and I think the whole 'it's not as bad' thing has just compounded the problems both men and women face when they are abused. It just reinforces very, very negative and damaging stereotypes about female and male sexuality. And of course the terrible impact on relationships, marriages and families is better left to the imagination.
It's terrible what this young man was subjected to as a child - and more terrible that it is going on everyday still, and the abusers are still getting away with it. We all need to be aware of this so that we can make wise choices in the future. Please spread the word. Knowledge is power.
@the writer: Well done for surviving the abuse - you can be free of this burden, please believe that. You can be free, and I pray that you find healing for what you were subjected to. NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT - none of it. It had nothing to do with you. Your beauty is not an excuse for what they did. There is no excuse. Those women were monsters who refused to deal with their issues and instead took them out on an innocent child. Shame, shame, shame on them. Look what they did to a precious child of God - they won't get away with it, even if it seems like they have. They can't.
@confused: So glad you're doing this - well done, girl.
damn, its good to see the script flipped.
this is one side of sex abuse that is hardly aired.
good on you for telling your story!
I know its been a long while but I had to say something because your final words have left such an emptiness in my heart. It is wrong what these women did to you. It should not happen to anyone but you have to try. You cant let them win in the end...dont let them control ur life. I have been abused too...not as badly but the scars are still there. I know I can move beyond it and so can you. As long as there is life...there is hope.
if we take close look at the numbers .. most male children have thier first intercourse with older women, either the maid , anties , teachers and so on.. because we are so busy focusing on women as the abused victim we tend to ignore male side.. and we all know in our culture it is weak of man to admit of rape. its not alwais the manly thing to do . i mean ppl lets call a spade a spade.. i dont care wat sex, how it happened.. rape is reape .. abuse is abuse and should not be tolorated under any circumstances....we all have a right to our bodies n who should touch us....
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