SHare YOur STory 4

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.

i had never heard of blog spot until a friend of mine told me about it. My God! how i have searched for this my whole life. we go thru so much in life and sometimes u just want to talk to someone without revealing your id. u want to share the things that u have gone thru,going thru, and hoping to go thru. u need a therapist but not one u paid for. u have all sorts of hideous and disgusting memories stored up. u're hurting, dying inside, and no one can hear u. u can't share cos then you'll be cast out of society esp one like mine so we keep going, with all the memories bad and good and then we realize that with all we've been thru, we are scarred for life.

where do i begin? my life has been messed up from as far back as i can remember. i was born into a family of four kids, as the third. i can't remember when all the abuse started.i must have been about four or five. i can't remember the first man who took advantage. was it my neighbour's hired help, my cousin, my uncles, our hired help? who was it. but believe me before i was eight or nine, all these people had slept with me. my uncles(2of them)

i remember used to have sex with me at the same time. i would cry and tell them i had pains,i was hurting but they wouldn't stop. when they were done, they'd give me some pills to take. i never knew what it was. i was not to speak to anyone about it.and then it became so frequent i got used to the pain.that was when our hired help started his. he must have figured out what my uncles were doing to me and he took advantage. my parents didn't notice.

Dad was a very scary figure when we were growing up. he'd beat my mum so much we all would cry with her.but she never left him. i remember once she packed up and actually left for a couple of days. she went to her parents in the village. she came back with them and they actually had to beg my dad to forgive her for leaving.she wouldn't do it again.forgive her? for f sake she was the one being beaten.who was to forgive whom? I swear poverty is a curse. because he was feeding my grandparents, they were willing to sacrifice their daughter.she's endured so much beating in her life that I'm sure if i was i her shoes, that marriage wouldn't have lasted a year. and so her beating went on and my ab use continued to go unnoticed.

i think i went through more men in my childhood than i have in my adulthood.i was rescued by my aunt one day who saw the hired help taking me to his room and followed. as soon as he took off his pants for a blow job(for me a choking job) she burst open the door and screamed.

i forgot to tell u, the blow jobs started with the hired help. he'd ask me to kneel and he'll seat on the bed. if he felt my teeth he'd give me a good slap. I'd cry and he'll ask me not to let my teeth touch him or else he'll spank me again. i became good at it. can u imagine, at eight i was giving a perfect blow job.

my aunt took me into the main house and it was like i was woken up from a trance. i told her about my uncles, my cousin, the neighbours help and all they made me do. i told her about the pills and she couldn't,t stop crying. she told my dad but u won't believe it i got the beating of my life. how was i to know it was wrong for me not to tell. why weren't they paying any attention to the signs. i was always in pain and i at least told my mum that. the poor woman, she had enough to deal with at the time. my mum cried the whole time i was being beaten. she begged him to stop. they had failed me. could it have been that because my dad was so so mean and unreachable i was looking for a father in these paedophiles. i really can't say.

u see, when they talk about these on t.v, some people have the nerve to say we don't hear all these stories in nigeria. well that's because the kids never talk about it.

i am now married and have taken certain vows: i will never have a male uncle staying at my place whether he be my brother or my husbands brother. i'd never have a male help in my home. i wil be there with my kids from the time they're home from school until they go to bed at night.i know that i can't be there all the time but i'll try.

my experiences have scarred me so much that i can hardly bring myself to enjoy sex. i can count the number of times i have actually had an orgasm from penetration.it is now something i can achieve only when i'm alone and masturbate. could it be that because i had done all there was as a child, it holds no pleasure for me. maybe i really need to see a therapist what do u think? anyway, this post is getting to long. there'll be a part 2 to this. i have work to do now.and oh did i mention my dad is still with mum.there's still no respect for her in their marriage eve though thing have changed financially and she now runs a successful business. I need someone to explain to me why naija women stay in these prisons they call marriage. are they so scared of what society will say that they'll rather die? i wonder

Thoughts/Lessons Learned :I did not intend to share this story today but I was shocked and angered by her story when I got it. I have read so many stories of sexual abuse and it takes a lot to shock me. I was angered and appalled by her story. I don’t even know what to say. It seems as if your parents cannot even protect you or will fail to protect you. This is horrible. What kind of sick bastard forces a child to give him a blow job? Monster sure seems like a saint compared to this bastard.

If you read my blog and never comment, this is not the time to say silent. Please, please tell this woman something. Your words will not change her past, but it helps to know someone is praying for you. I am so angry right now. Please leave a prayer, a comment, or a curse (I am not joking) for the men that did this to this woman

All I can say is, I hope God restores what has been taken from you. And for the men that did this –you will meet your punishment in hell.