SHare YOur STory 3

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.


My mother's brother had been living with us since I was like four, my family
always thought it wasn’t right to turn away family members. The whole African hospitality thing.

So my uncle was welcomed 2 stay for as long as he liked..Mum and dad loved having him around cause he was hardworking, resourceful and took care of us kids when they went to work.
In other words to my parents he could do no wrong and he was
Godsent. Uncle a was my best friend, quite odd for a person my age 2 say a person triple her age was her bestfriend but he made sure I was ok ,he bought me stuff everytime, he took me everywhere he went to,took my pictures whenever he had to travel back to school.I was his little angel.

I loved uncle a, I felt like he was the only one I ever needed.
Uncle a was a major player and would often use me to pick up girls, at one point he had
five girl friends and i knew all of them by name.
One fine day,i remember i was 10 then. My brothers were downstairs watching tv while my uncle led me to my room..All i kept asking was uncle what are we going to do in my room but my questions were replied with silence. He locked the door behind him while i sat on the sofa in my room.He then called me and laid me on my bed,i remember i had a jar of vaseline
in my cupboard which he brought out and asked me to rub on his penis.I had no idea what i was doing,i just played along. Its uncle right? He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me right? He was always the one to save me from getting hurt by other people. But boy was I wrong he could do plenty to hurt me.

I remember i was wearing a short adire skirt which he lifted,pulled my girly
panties down and forced his penis inside me, I remember telling him that uncle your hurting me. But he told me to just be quiet that he was playing with me. Then he rocked back and forth while he was inside me and every bit of me hurt.

Ive never sat down to think about that day till now. Guess I just wanted to block the whole sordid event out of my memory. Thinking about it now I am angry and I feel betrayed. I loved uncle a,he had five fucking girlfriends. They were all gorgeous too. Why did he have to do this to me?

Defile me,his little princess. Take away something that was mine to give...Leave me feeling how I feel now. Damaged, disgusted with myself. I cant stand a man touching me at times cause it brings back memories and sex is something I fear will never enjoy.

But aside from that the never ending why me questions that never gets answered, the thoughts that I was used goods, and how it affected my self esteem over the years. The depression that has held me captive for all these years. The feelings of inadequacy. He defiled my body for threeyears(10-13) till i realized that uncle a was no longer my friend. We weren’t playing a fun game.

He was looking for the ultimate pleasure and picked tight lil me. But a
few minutes of pleasure for him. Its been 8yrs of torture for me. I wanted to tell mummy I really did. But i was scared,scared she'd say it was my fault Like everything that has ever happened .that I probably seduced him. I was scared. You would be to if your mother thought you were always at fault. But shesuspected and asked me but I was still too scared. I wish i had said something.

But uncle a left after a while. Although he still came around and i still kept
the secret with me. Everyone could notice a change in our relationship. We were always quarreling and i just didn’t want to be anywhere he was.

Our family doesn’t talk to uncle a for other reasons. But he still calls
me like nothing happened like he didn’t hurt me back then. How did he get my number, and who told him he could call me and tell me stuff. After hurting me and betraying my mum and dad.

Uncle ,i've forgiven u,cause i realise hating u is too much work and the more i hate u the more u control my life.And i dont want that anymore, i'd like to move on now and forget i ever knew you.

I am scared for your daughter,I heard u are married now. Hope you dont do
the same thing to her. Hope no one does the same to her.

My thoughts/ Lessons learned: This is just so sad and unacceptable. It is inconceivable that I wont be able to trust my brothers with my kids. This story especially touched me because its from a fellow blogger. I guess as she said,we should stop this African Hospitality thing. You cant trust everyone with your kids, even your brother or sister. I know its hard, but the children pay the ultimate price. Her mother even suspected , but she was to scared to say anything. This problem is not a white thing but at least they talk about it and prosecute people. May God help our country.

Lastly I got this link was from an anonymous person. She started a group on msn for sexual abuse victims in Nigeria. She is the original survivor . Please read about her story here