SHare YOur STory 2

This is a part of the SHare YOur STory series. I recieve e mails from individuals that have been affected in some way by abuse. They share their stories , hoping that they can help somebody or prevent the same thing from happening to your child.

I just wanted to say that I felt very moved by your blog. It is a wonderful thing that you are doing and I am so proud of my people talking about their experiences. I was molested twice by my grandmother's drivers as well. I also remember the housemaid who tried to get me and some other young boy visiting to have sex. She dressed me up all in white and she put goat pepper rodo in my vagina and told me that on my wedding nite if i was a virgin, i would feel pain upon being penetrated. I guess she was teaching me biology.

I am not ashamed to talk about it at all. I dont believe that it was my fault anymore. I recall the first time I told my mother and she was mad at me and asked me what I was doing with the guy. I was 6 years old. A lot of men older men I recall liked me that young. It was so strange.

Friends of my parents who would look at me funny. A child learns to distinguish this look. I felt dirty and I felt like a slut.

I recall that I never looked a man/boy in the eye in Nigeria. I felt as if they would see something in my eyes. A message that I was supposedly sending out, inviting that I was not aware of. So I never looked them in the eye.

Thank God for coming to America cos I would still continue to feel like this. Now I stare anybody down. I think I overdo it sometimes. A guy grabs my ass in the club and I grab his balls right back. I think that I have become so much stronger and I hope others can feel the same way regardless of this atrocity.

I recall being and still being overprotective of my baby sister who has grown to be a beautiful woman and I know certain friends of my brother look at her funny. I can tell these looks and she knows them to. My brother however is oblivious. I felt like a mother hen protecting her chick.

I recall my mother telling me that I needed to loosen up and I sort of went off on her just a little bit and I told her about what happened. She had forgotten about it. And she said well if you told me the first time why didn’t you come to me the second time it happened. I was like cos you reprimanded me.

I know she felt so terrible. But would she have felt like this if we were still in Nigeria? I doubt it.

I talk freely about being molested because to me it was just a bad experience in my life, like i got bit by a dog. I dont want to sensationalize it. I want people to realize yes it was a bad thing and it does happen but I am alright now.

When it turned out that I ended up dating women, my parents thought it was because of being molested. Wrong...my point is we can move past it and it doesn’t have to be a significant part of our life like we carry. It doesn’t have to be the main reason for every mishap in our lives. It is a bad experience that we can let go off. We are stronger for it if we can forget about it and move on with our lives.

In any case, I hope that your blog reaches a lot of people and once again I commend you for doing this.

Thought/Lessons Learned : I have to point out this girl is very strong. She has obviously moved past what happened to her. I really admire her strength and hope that one day I can be like that. Its a journey I know , it takes time to get where she is today. She has moved past everything so well that she put her real name in the mail
Nevertheless her abuse is unacceptable. What kind of woman would put pepper in the vagina of a child? It reminds me of when I used to do "experiments" when I was younger with ants. But she was a human being!!! why would you violate her body like that?
Its difficult to prevent this from happening to your child because most kids in Nigeria are left under the care of house maids , drivers etc. How do you prevent one sick individual from abusing your child because you have to work ?
I think you have to TALK with your kids and really listen. She points out that she tells her mother and was reprimanded.

What do you guys think?