A culture of silence

Nigeria operates under a culture of silence concerning the issue childhood sexual abuse and even struggles faced by women. Subjects such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, rape, emotional abuse are not discussed. To me, keeping silent is almost silent approval of these grievances against women. Keeping silent also supports the assertion that child sexual is a white problem not part of the Nigerian culture. But as I have learnt first hand, sexual abuse is universal. There will always be a handful of people wiling to take advantage of a defenseless individual. I remember when I told my close friends about the abuse, Z distinctly said “ I thought that was a white thing , Nigerians don’t do such things” How wrong she was? Silence perpuates this myth and enables inherently sick monsters to touch and rape children at night. I remember when the daughter of the woman that braided my mom’s hair was raped by armed robbers. My mother said to the woman “ This is a very shameful thing , don’t let any body know oh.” What exactly is the little girl to be ashamed about.
That she was raped by armed robbers
That she was at her home when she was raped
That a bastard thought he could take something from her forcefully because he had a gun.

I wonder what mommy would have done of she knew rape was taking place in her own backyard. I wonder what she will say when I eventually tell her. I am expecting Mommy dearest to tell me to forget about it , or I was imagining things and it didn’t really happen.

I sincerely thought I was part of an unlucky few. I was thoroughly shocked and surprised after reading other Nigerian blogs that others had been abused by supposed uncles, cousins , boyfriends. I was both gladden and saddened. Happy that they could talk about their experiences and saddened that other individuals too were abused. for instance here are some anonymous comments left on my blog. I didn’t change any of the comments, they appears as they were left in my comments section.

As someone who was sexually molested for about 8 years as a child I really understand what you are going through. Abuse thrives in secrecy. I think because us as victims are too ashamed to talk about it.I'm glad you've started discussing it. I choose not to deal with my abuser who is a family member and I've told everybody why. I'm a grown woman. No longer afraid. God will help you.

be strong, girl. it's hard, i know.
I too was molested as a child. by my uncle, my mother's brother. and the driver. and some random housemaid. it happens so often in nija, and no one talks about it. This is the first time i'm posting as anonymous. i am not that strong. i wish i was.

Girl, I weep, I'm so sorry to hear about your story. I recorgnise with your feelings because I have been there before. I can't even remember how old I was but I was very young when certian male members of my family decided to experiment with me and another little boy who was visiting the family for a holiday, and got us to have sex. Then another relative decided to show me his d&%k, I can't remember if anything happen but I remember seeing the white stuff come out of it. Years latter I started to grow breasts at 12 and my neighbour who was marrid and with a child called me into his appartment and started to touch me up, I mannaged to wriggle out of that one unhurt but ever since then I've stayed away from men. I've never spoken to anyone about these thinks and at 27 I've only ever slept with three men. I'm so scared of relationships and men generally and fear that I will never get married.

I'm a Psychiatrist.
I think dredging up the ugly past of sexual abuse causes one to have very varied emotions...hence the high highs and low lows.
It's part of the journey and I used to experience that as I was also sexually abused.
You are doing the right thing...talking about it, telling family. Well done.

Many countless faceless women And men have had the same experience.
It has been about a month of blogging about my life and experiences. I feel its time for a change prompted mainly by another comment on my post. Hence I have changed my header because I want to be more positive.That header –UNFAITHFUL continually reminded me of my guilt. I don’t want to feel that way anymore

I want to use my blog to tell other individuals stories. It doesn’t have to be about sexual abuse but it can be about rape, emotional abuse, physical abuse ;situations in which women are victimized daily. I want to post any story I receive from other victims every Friday in a series of posts called Share Your Story Friday. ( I know the name is kind of lame but I couldn’t think of anything else) I intend to start posting stories I get (if any) in about two to three weeks time.
PLEASE send your stories to my email con4fused@yahoo.com. I have learnt that real life is more compelling than the imagination of any writer. ( I learnt this by watching to many reality tv shows. LOL)

But seriously, I want to urge anyone who has a story to send their stories to my mail. I understand not wanting to lay yourself bare and talk about things you wouldn’t even talk about with your family. You can mail be your stories anonymously. If you are worried about exposing your personal email address, just get a new email (its quite easy) and send it to me. But a real life story has the potential to touch people or even change lives. It could be even be a cautionary tale for many
I don’t want to be misunderstood. I am not trying to be a victimized woman advocate (it wouldn’t be so wrong if I wanted to become one) but I just feel it would be beneficial to any victim to share their story and potentially help someone who reads the story. I really feel strongly about this.


Talking about experiences will not stop atrocities from happening. One voice can stop the silence.

if you dont want the hassle of getting a new email address. just post in the comments section and i will give you an email and password. I really urge you to TELL YOUR STORY..